"Once beneath the stars, the universe was ours...love was all we knew, and all I knew was you...once upon a time in your wildest dreams."
- Moody Blues 1986
I have been preparing for Father’s Day. Collecting things for a project I am working on for the kids. I have been brave. I have been looking through scrap books and in all the dark corners. In the bedside tables and the desk drawers. I am finding all the little notes and cards I ever wrote to Darcy. It’s hard to take.
We used to have a joke about the fact that he NEVER gave me a card of any kind…like no Hallmark nothing…ever. Lots of gifts. Never a card. He was not a man of words. That was my department, and so there are many, many notes and cards to look through.
If you have never read “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, do yourself a favour. It really allows for some grace in partnerships to understand just how to stay connected despite communicating very differently.
Zoom in to see all 5 and guess your own! Usually we have one or two dominant languages...Mine are undeniably "Words of Affirmation" and "Gifts".
Since “Words of Affirmation” wasn’t Darcy’s love language I always wondered if those notes meant anything to him. Sometimes it was hard for me that he seldom used words of affirmation to tell me how he felt, but I just tried to stay really AWARE of how he made me FEEL in his own way (“Gifts” and “Acts of Service” were his love languages…not bad consolations!) and the feeling I was aware of was always the feeling of being very loved. I was loved. He may not have spoken my primary love language, nor I his, but we just kept showing up with our own dialects and it all worked out. I guess if you speak English and your lover speaks Spanish and you just keep speaking to one another in your respective native tongues, eventually you’ll pick up the important parts, right? The words or actions that undeniably translate into “I love you.”
So, I just kept writing those cards because words ARE my love language, and I always wanted him to feel that love. I am assuming they did mean a lot to him because here they are…tucked away in all the drawers…his briefcase…the nightstand...his desk. All the little reminders of my love for him. Everywhere.
There is a theme in my writings to him. Almost every card or note says “Thank you for making my dreams come true.” That is what he did. Constantly. The life we had built together was really amazing. He made the conscious choice to do what he could to make our life beautiful and I did too. It was a team effort.
We wanted a home. We worked together and created our dream home from the 87-year-old studs into a family haven that suited us perfectly.
We had trouble having a baby… we worked together with all the doctors and tests and fertility drugs and prayers and we got our Miller! First try!
We wanted another baby, and he checked himself in for surgery to make it happen and to make it easier on me. We got our baby Summer (the fun and affordable way!) and our family felt complete!
We wanted to give our kids opportunities and travel and exposure to other cultures. We planned and traveled and opened doors for them.
Our dream team at Sun Mountain Lodge on New Years Day 2020 - livin' the dream.
The whole world was talking "2020 Vision" but none of us knew what was about to unfold.
Darcy’s other daily efforts to make our dreams come true included working hard without ever complaining about it (16-hour days were the norm for him), being present (he literally NEVER checked out, ever. Well…until he accidentally ultimately checked out, but that is neither here nor there now), being brave (he embraced Miller’s traumatic birth with such courage. Despite Miller being born with a brain injury and us not knowing what his development would look like, Darcy never thought about disability…he had that kid on a snowboard at age two…he only believed in Miller’s ABILITY). He just literally devoted himself to us and we to him.
In the aftermath of his death it is just such an interesting observation to see all these messages I wrote about him making my dreams come true. I recognize my part in it – if I wasn’t a willing player our team would not have been so dreamy – but these days I get to observe that we still HAVE a partnership. It may sound odd to you, but I feel it. I live in that partnership every day and those dreams I had? They ARE coming true.
I have always dreamt for my kids to have close relationships with their uncles and aunts and cousins… and we certainly have been close to them all along but, if anything has increased tenfold since Darcy’s death, it is the strength of the bond between my kids and their uncles and aunts. My brothers and my chosen sisters. It means so much. It is a dream come true.
I have always dreamed of writing – a blog, a book, whatever. Here I am. I have the content now, that’s for sure! Dream coming true.
I have always dreamt of a life where I only spend time with people who I absolutely want to engage with and activities that I actually love doing. The activities and people I come away from enriched and nourished, not drained. There is nothing like grief to allow us to shed the people and things that no longer serve us. I am actually required by grief (and my intense desire to fully heal) to protect myself from being drained by obligations to other people or events. Another dream coming true over here.
I have always dreamt of having the time and energy to work toward being of more meaningful service in this world. As I continue to work toward my EFT Tapping Practitioner Certification and pour my heart into my courses in Unity Consciousness, create content for my 'Luminous Heart Healing Collective' community on Facebook, write my blog and plan my book…. My dreams are coming true.
They are still coming true every day, fueled by me and fully supported by Darcy and the foundation we created together. Team Wild.
Staying illuminated through dark times means finding the big and small triumphs in every day. Looking back at our teamwork, our persistence despite speaking opposite love languages, seeing the fruits of it still paying off now…one dream at a time…really helps me feel connected to Darcy. It gives me strength and confidence that, as the world re-opens and our healing hearts press forward, I will be able to keep the dreams coming true for our Wild little earthly team of three.
Also, I wanted a teal couch. Got one. It’s a dream come true!
I’ll take all the credit for that one!
Til Next Time,
Heal & Be Healed.